My little saint

Today I had lunch with a very dear friend.  It was so nice to sit and talk with out all our boys running around.  Through our conversation I learned that I have my own little saint in heaven, Jamie.  Belinda and I are each doing a Revelation study at our churches and have read about the saints clothed in white robes before the throne of God holding bowls of incense which are the prayers of the saints.  Jamie has been made whole and perfect and is standing before God offering prayers.  How awesome is that!!!

Cracked Pots

It is around 1am Friday morning as I write.  Sleep will not come so I got up to prepare an activity for my Sunday school class.  Once that was done I read a little bit of news online and some blogs.  Then it hit me how long it has been since I have blogged.  I read back through all the blogs from when Daddy was in the hospital--all I can say is wow.  God has given us a miracle and I already, just a month and a half later, have forgotten.  Why?  Because life keeps going and we live in such a busy hurry up world that I don't take the time to reflect and remember each day what the Lord has done for me.  I guess that is why God wouldn't let me sleep so I could have this realization.

Several weeks ago a guest preacher spoke at church.  He talked about cracked pots.  We are the cracked pots and can only be made whole through Jesus Christ.  He also talked about how we try to cover our cracks from others.  Well, I am cracked and have been for some time covering up my cracks not just from you, but from myself. 

I have not been doing so well.  Actually, now I am doing so much better, but since the last time I blogged about myself so much has happened.  Lets go back. . .after Jamie died I was a mess, but felt like I was doing alright.  By the end of summer I thought things were great.  I had taught VBS, thrown the boys' birthday party, was teaching Sunday school, and had plans to volunteer at preschool and CAM once the school year began.  Household chores were going smoothly:  laundry twice a week, house cleaning every other week, washing the van and yard work every other week, meals planned and made.  I thought I had it all under control because I was able to do so many "normal" activities.  Then in Sept. I turned 30 and had a small party at home.  It was a great party, but I didn't enjoy the time with friends like usual.  After talking to  Josh and a friend we all agreed I was depressed.  I did not think I needed to get any help because I was doing things as normal not laying in bed all day.  I may have not wanted to do anything, but I was fighting against this depression thus I was ok.  O how wrong I was.  After Thanksgiving things got really bad!  I knew I needed to get help, but did not know where to turn.  I told Josh such and he suggested I email one of our ministers at church.  I did and was given the info for a couple of counseling centers.  I had just began to read through the center's websites and counselor bios when Daddy was rushed to the hospital.  So, I put myself on the back burn and was strong for everyone else, because that is what I do best.  Daddy's first full day at home was the day of my first counseling session.  It was amazing!!!  It is hard to put into words, but I felt such relief and that I was actually beginning to allow myself to grieve.  I have learned so much from my counseling sessions, but what I want to share now is depression can look many different ways.  I thought I was just a little depressed because I was not in bed all day, however when given a depression questionnaire/test I was one point from server depression.  If you think you maybe depressed don't wait months like I did get help now! 

It feels good to be honest with myself and you.  I know some of you couldn't even tell things were bad.  That's ok I was putting on a good front for you and myself.  Some of you knew something was wrong and now feel like you should have said something--no worries it's in the past just remember to learn from the past. 

Ok it is now 2am I must try and sleep.  The boys are having their first ever sleepover tonight, which means I need some sleep.  I haven't even told them yet it will be a fun surprise.  Jodi and Logan are our guest we will be making homemade pizza and brownies.  I'm looking forward to a fun evening.  Happy Friday To All:)

Quick update

Daddy is doing great.  He went to the doctor on Monday and was given a good report.  He can return to work when he has the energy.  It will most likely be a few more weeks, which I think is super fast.  We have truly all witnessed a miracle.

Provider

In first Kings chapter 17 God tells Elijah that there will be a drought.  God says to go to a certain river and He will provide water and food.  God said I have commanded the ravens to bring you food.  Ok, I don't know about you, but that is a little weird to me--birds bringing food to a human.  As I pondered these verses this morning I realized that God has provide for me in an unexpected way over the last couple of weeks.  How as God provided for your needs?   Does it make you say, "really Lord?"  That's ok I think God likes to surprise us.  Stop and thank God today for being your provider.

Daddy is doing well.  He continues to get stronger.  Earlier this week he and Mom got out and walked around wal-mart.  Daddy also wrapped a pipe outside in preparation for the cold weather.  We are going for a visit to tomorrow and to help with the house.  Daddy and Mom are still planning on putting the house on the market and will be down sizing to a smaller house that is more open and easier for Mom to move around in.  So tomorrow we will be cleaning out and rearranging to stage the house.  I know Mom has a set of dishes she doesn't want if you need dishes are know someone who does let me know.

Walker chase

The boys and Granddad had a lot of fun today playing chase.  It was funny to watch Daddy slowly chase after the boys with his walker.  It was great to see Daddy up and feeling good.  He is still very weak, but 3 weeks in the hospital will do that to you.  There was also some good rest time the boys and Granddad all got into bed together and watched Dumbo--Granddad quickly fell asleep and missed the movie. 

ER trip

Daddy's first day home today began with a trip to the ER.  This morning Mom found Daddy's pick line (IV) on the floor next to the bed.  It  must have come out during the night.  So she called the home health nurse and was told to take Daddy to the ER.  At the hospital a doctor placed a new pick line.  This took must of the day and they got home around 4:30pm.  The home health nurse then came to show Mom how to give Daddy his IV meds.  He will be on these meds till Monday and Mom will have to give them to him every 8 hours.  Mom then went to get Daddy's glasses fixed, because they were broken yesterday before they left the hospital.  Luckily, they were fixed fast.  When I spoke to Mom around 8pm they were just getting to eat dinner.  Pray for an uneventful Thursday for them.  Liz went and visited today and the boys and I will visit tomorrow.  The boys are so excited and ready to go.  We never did get to see Daddy yesterday since he was not released from the hospital till 7:30ish and that was to late on a school night for us to go visit.  Also, pray that the boys stay some what quiet and calm tomorrow during our visit.  I think they think since Granddad his home he is 100% better.  He is not there yet, but he will be it will just take time.

Home

Daddy will come home today!!!!!

Last night mom called around 7pm and she said that Dr. Ashely said if it was up to him Daddy could go home tomorrow, but Dr. Day had to make the final call.  Later that evening Dr. Day came by and said Daddy would be going home. 

The boys and I will be meeting Mom and Daddy at there house today to help get Daddy settled and to see if someone needs to stay and help out for a while.  Pray that this transition is smooth for Daddy.