Blood Pressure

My blood pressure is fine. I took it several times this morning before calling Dr. Schroeder's office. The first time is was 122/72 and the second it as 114/66. Now if I would have taken it this afternoon it would have been a different story. Wow, the boys have been something else today. They are at a neighbor's play for a little bit now. I am thankful for the much needed break and the quiet.

Heart Beat!!!

This morning I saw Dr. Adams and Dr. Schroeder. The good news is that Jamie has a heart beat. We saw Dr. Adams (specialist) first. She told us that the hygroma (this is the fluid build up) around Jamie's neck had increased from 10cm two weeks ago to 10.5 cm today. I asked if the longer Jamie holds on if things can improve. No was her answer. She gives Jamie 0% chance to survive. To say the least we were a little upset. She told us we had to start accepting this fact and not to have false hope. While our hope is not false because it is not in her or medicine, but in the Lord. So we will continue to have faith in God and pray for a miracle. After seeing Dr. Adams we went upstairs to see Dr. Schroeder (OB). I was so glad to see Dr. Schroeder she is wonderful. She got up on the exam table with me and hold me and let me cry. I asked her the same question I asked Dr. Adams and she said yes, the longer Jamie holds on the better. Dr. Schroeder said if we can make it to 32 weeks we will be jumping for joy. So we ask you to pray that Jamie can continue to grow and develop for 10 more weeks. The next month is very important because the lungs will develop during this time. Of course after birth there will most likely be lots of issues to deal with, but Texas Children's can help Jamie at that point. My blood pressure was pretty high today most likely due to the day in itself. However, Dr. Schroeder is having me take my blood pressure at home and call her nurse on Thursday and depending on what my blood pressure has been I may go for some blood work. They we watch me closely so I don't get sick. Please also pray that my blood pressure is fine. I know they will put me on bed rest if it is high and I don't do well laying around. Of course if I am told to I will.

Thanks for everyone's prayers and emails it really helps me keep a positive outlook.

Matthew 21:22

"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." Matthew 21:22

Tomorrow morning we have an appointment with Dr. Adams (specialist) at 8:40am and Dr. Schroeder (OB) at 11:20am. Dr. Adams will be doing an ultrasound to check how Jamie is doing with the hydrops. The appointment with Dr. Schroeder is just a normal visit: blood pressure, weight, ect.

I ask that when you pray in the morning that you will truly believe that the God of the galaxy can give us a miracle.

Email Updates

If you would like to get an email every time I post I have figured out how to make that happen. Just email your email address to me.

Nothing new to report on Jamie. Our next appointment is Monday. I am feeling fine besides the normal "joys" of carrying a child.

Over the past five or so days everyone I have talked with has been such an encouragement to me. Thank you for your insights and for sharing your heart with me. I have truly blessed to be surrounded by wonderful neighbors, friends and family.

Religious or Righteous?

Religious or Righteous was the title of this mornings sermon. The passage used was Luke 18:9-14. Jesus tells a story about a pharisee and a tax collector. The pharisee thinks pretty highly of himself and that he is better than the tax collector. It is sad to say, but I can identify with the pharisee. I find myself thinking that my way is right and I am sure glad I don't act like those people. I know that those thoughts are sinful and should not be in my mind. Why do I tell you this? I want you to know my motives for this blog. It started because Hollie said you need to blog it will be easier than answering lots of calls and emails. Thank you for that advice Hollie you are right. It however, has turned in to much more than just informing my friends and family of Jamie's condition. Now it is a witness of God's love, comfort, provision, control and power. When you read the blog I don't want you to think Josh and I are doing anything it is God who is in control and who keeps us going on with life and allows us to find the blesses in each day. It is only by God's power that I can say Jamie will make it and grow up to play and fight with her two big brothers.

We're having a little girl!!!

We're having a little girl! Jamie will be born! I will hold her! My attitude has changed. I'm no longer thinking if, but when Jamie arrives.

On Friday I meet with a new friend. Her little girl has TS and had hydrops in the womb. Talking with a mom that has gone through exactly what we are going through was so helpful. And to see and play with this little girl who doctors said would not make it was amazing. Earlier this week I read about how God provides. This is something I have read many times and know, but it became real to me on Friday morning. This new friendship is just what I need and God provided that for me.

Today Liz, my sister, and I did a little shopping. While in JcPenny's I saw the newborn girl clothes and walked over. I thought it would be upsetting and sad, but it was great. It felt so good and right to pick out a few things for Jamie. She is going to look so cute wearing her little sister onesie.

1 Chronicles

I randomly opened my Bible and read:

"The sons of Ephraim were Shuthelah, Bered his son, Tahath his son, Eladah his son, Tahath his son, Sabad his son, Shuthelah his son, and Ezer and Elead. The men of Gath who were born in that land killed them because they came down to take away their cattle. Then Ephraim their father mourned many days, and his brethren came to comfort him. And when he went in to his wife, she conceived and bore a son: and he called his name Beriah, because tragedy had come upon his house." 1 Chronicles 7: 20-23

These verses say several things to me. First, nobody really likes to read Chronicles they are pretty boring just a list of names. However, I have a different outlook on that now. They are not just list of names, but someones sons and daughters. They were loved, cared for, cried over and they each lived and died. Jamie is our daughter and she is living and touching lives. One day her name will be found on an old family tree (it will be a scrapbook page I do) and just read over, but maybe someone will think she was a daughter and loved. Second, pain of losing loved ones is not new. Tragedy happened in Ephraim's family and he was sad for a long time. His friends were there for him. And then life went on. We can do just that. We will mourn, you will be there for us and then we live on serving God and enjoying life and the blessings we are given.

As I read over this blog I realize it may sound like I am giving up and saying Jamie will not make it. That is not true. I will continue to believe and pray for healing. I have a hard time seeing and feeling that, but I choose to believe in the God of the galaxy and His power to heal.

Docter Visit

We went in this morning and saw Dr. Adams. She is our specialist. We had to wait over an hour, which is no fun at all. She went over the lab report with us. The labs just confirmed what we already know. Jamie has Turners and hydrops. She also knew from my blood work that I would have a fever blister today when she saw me. She gave me a Rx to take care of that with many refills since I get them when I am stressed and it is looking like we are going to have a stressful season of life ahead. Dr. Adams then did an ultrasound. The good news is that Jamie is still with us the fluid has not made its way to her heart yet. However, the hydrops is worst then two weeks ago. Jamie's neck is measuring 10cm, which means I will have a c-section when we delivery. Dr. Adams said that she will must likely pass in the womb. She said it would be better for Jamie that way. I didn't ask why, but assume that if she lived outside of my womb the stress on her heart and lungs would be so great and painful for her. I don't want her to have any pain, but I would love to be able to have her look into my eyes as I hold her.

After the appointment Josh and I went to lunch and talked. We are not giving up hope--we know God can still heal Jamie. However, we do feel like we have to start making plans so that we are not left with big decisions when I deliver. We feel we can make better choices now rather than later.

We continue to ask for prays of healing and also ask that you pray for Jackson and Jeffrey. They are both so excited and talk about feeding the baby all the time. They still do not know and I feel that is still the best thing for now.

Thank You

Thank you to everyone for the many emails, blog comments, cards, and phone calls. It really touches my heart to here from each of you. The stories and verse you have shared have been a blessing and an encouragement for me. I wanted to send out a big THANK YOU because there is just no way I can response to all. Know that I do read and treasure all the words that are sent my way.

Today we go back to the doctor. I have two appointments one with a specialist and one with my OB. I am very scared to find out more information, because I don't want it to be bad. Not knowing seems better now, but two weeks ago all I wanted were answers.

I read this morning in Ecclesiastes. "Consider the work of God, for who can make straight what He has made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider: surely God has appointed the one as well as the other, so that man can find out nothing that will come after him." Ecclesiastes 7: 13-14

This says to me God is in control of the good and the bad. I needed to be reminded of that this morning. The devil is attacking my mind this morning with these thoughts of what I can do to make things better and prepare myself. But I am choosing to let go and allow God to be in control. It is really better for me that way.

Offering

The sun cannot compare, to the glory of Your love,
There is no shadow in Your Presence,
No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne,
Before the Holy One of heaven,
It's only by Your Blood, and it's only through you mercy,
Lord I come,

I bring an offering of worship to my King,
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus, may You receive the honor that You're due,
O Lord, I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You,

I bring an offering of worship to my King,
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus, may You receive the honor that You're due,
O Lord, I bring an offering to You
O Lord, I bring an offering to You
O Lord, I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You,

We sang this song in church this morning and I just cried. What offering am I bringing to the feet of our Lord and Savior and do I deserve to bring it? I am not worthy, but Christ's blood allows me to come and I bring my trust to put in the God of the galaxy who is in control of everything.

God is Good!

God is good! What a beautiful day it has been. Sunny, blue skies, and cool. We had a nice play date at the park and only a few meltdowns:)

The other day I wrote that I was getting back into the everyday routine of our life and it was good for me. Well, we have also so quickly gone back to worrying and struggling with the little trials of life that last week were forgotten about. Why is it that we can gain and lose perspective so fast? Fanny Crosby said, " Our lives, we are told, are but fleeting at best, like roses they fade and decay; then let us do good while the present is ours, be useful as long as we stay." I am asking myself am I doing good and being useful in this day or am I caught up in the little trials of life that want matter in a few days? I'm really not sure--maybe a bit of both. One thing I am learning is that love matters. By loving others (family, friends, neighbors) as Christ loves, one can be useful and do good.

Much love,
Suzanne

ENT Visit

Today I went and saw an ENT for my nose bleeds. And guess what. We get to just wait and see. So much waiting lately. I did really like this doctor. He was friendly, funny and straight to the point. I have a pyogenic granuloma (it could be spelled wrong), which is a beign tumor caused by hormones. These little tumors like to bleed thus the nose bleeds. One can get them in their nose or mouth during pregnancy. He said he could remove it, but it would most likely grow back. I feel like these nose bleeds are bad, but when I described them to the doc he said it wasn't really that bad. So basically they could get worse. We pray it goes away, which is also highly likely. And then I would go back in the fall when all my hormones are back to "normal" and get checked out. He said they are really common and I should not worry about it at all.

Please add baby Logan to your pray list. Baby Logan is in the NC ICU in Humble and not doing well. Baby Logan was born six weeks early on Tuesday. This is a old high school friend of my Mom's cousin's baby. The mom's name is Kim--she needs are prayers as well.

Much love,
Suzanne

Everyday Life

Well, it has been a week since we went in for the ultrasound that changed everything. Even though our lives are different now life keeps moving on. I spent most of last week not doing much of the "normal" daily things. So this week we are off and running. I got five loads of landry and all the ironing done yesterday. Today I tackled the house. It was good to do my weekly chores and not just focus on the current situation at hand.

"It is when we come to the Lord in our nothingness, our powerlessness and our helplessness that He then enables us to love in a way which, without Him, would be absolutely impossible." Elisabeth Elliot

I feel utterly powerless and helpless to do anything for Jamie, but because of that God has and will continue to give me a love for her that is amazing. I also have a new or different understanding of struggles and hard times that we all face at some point or another. So with that if you would like me to pray for you or your family please let me know how I can. For about five days I felt like the biggest toughest struggle of life was thrown at me and Josh, but now I realize that there are many people out there who struggle with similar situations, or something worst or something small. Whatever it is I can and will pray for you.

Much love,

Suzanne

Hour of Prayer

A friend of mine goes to her Catholic church every Sunday night to prayer for an hour. She invited me along last night. We went into a small chapel--it set 12-15 people. I have never gone to church just to pray. I go for worship service, Sunday school, Bible studies, meals, ect. But when she asked me to go I thought this is what I need. After we arrived we each took a seat. I took a moment to look around--it was beautiful. It was so quiet and a little cold. One other man was there praying. Several others came and went in our hour there. I then began to pray asking God what He wanted to tell me in this quiet hour of prayer. But then I realized I was talking to Him to much. So I just set and tried to quiet my heart and mind. I noticed a daily prayer book in the seat in front of me. I picked it up and turned to the day's prayer. The first reading was from Psalm 118 which include, "This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." I read the other reading from John and the prayers, but rejoice is what my mind kept repeating. I took my journal I had with me and wrote at the top of one page "reasons I have to rejoice through this trial." I set for a moment to let God speak to my heart and then I just began to write:

• I have a little girl
• God is working in me
• God is & will be glorified
• I am sharing in Christ's suffering
• God made Jamie perfect
• Josh and I are being drawn closer together
• I am loved by so many--family, friends & strangers
• God loves me!
• What an incredible opportunity to share God's love with others

I never would have thought I could find this many reason to rejoice in something so painful. I am very thankful for that hour last night. Don't get me wrong I see that there are reasons to rejoice, but I also cried and begged God to heal Jamie and just let everything go back to "normal." I cried thinking I may never get the chance to watch Jamie put on my makeup or walk around in my heels. I am still praying for God to heal Jamie completely and to shock the doctors.

I have several appointments coming up. This Wed. I have an appointment to see an ENT for my nose bleeds. I have gotten nose bleeds with all my pregnancies, but it is really bad this time and my OB thinks I should see an ENT. Pray that it is a simple problem that can be easily fixed. Next Tuesday, April 13 I go back to see my OB and the perinatal specialist. Also please remember my mother law, Judy in your prayers she will be having a pacemaker put in on April 15.

Much love,

Suzanne

First sonogram

Jamie's first photo taken Jan. 6, 2010. Six weeks four days old.

Peace

I never thought I would have a blog. And I really never thought I would write my thoughts for everyone to read, but it is a nice way to get things out. And just maybe someone will read something that encourages them or someone maybe able to encourage me.

As I was putting Jeffrey to bed (yes, both boys are in be) I read a Bible verse framed on his wall from Isaiah. It talks about how one will be in perfect peace when one keeps their mind on Jesus. How true that verse is for us all. Earlier today Jackson I and were playing with the resurrection eggs that tell the Easter story. We talked about the really bad day Jesus had--friends left him, he was beaten, made fun of and nailed to a cross. Jackson said "when we are in heaven they can't get us." Jackson was saying that the "bad" men could not hurt us. What an encouraging thought from a four year old. In heaven there will be no pain, hurt or sorrow. During those moments I was focused on Jesus and I really did have peace.

Happy Easter to all, He is Risen!
Suzanne

God's Word

I was reading in Jeremiah 24 this morning. Jeremiah has had a word from God saying that what has been happening is for there own good. Deep down I know that this trail we are facing is for our own good. That we will be stronger, better people after coming through this time. But I don't feel it. I feel sad and scared. I'm scared to go buy Easter goodies at Target for the boys, because some stranger is going to want to know when I am due or what I am having and I will have to smile and tell them like everything is ok. However, I'm a mom so I will pull myself together and make it through the day like everything is great because Jackson and Jeffrey don't need to be wondering why Mommy is upset. They need to play and have fun.

A friend told me to pray "Lord Jesus, I trust You." I will pray, believe and trust and at some point down the road be a stronger person for it all.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord you God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43: 2-3

Lazy Day

Today has been a relaxing day. The boys and I have been enjoying a lazy day at Grammie and Granddad's. It has been nice to get a little change of scenery. Josh and I told the boys this morning that the baby in Mommy's tummy is a girl. Jackson was very excited--he was hoping for a baby sister. Jeffrey didn't stop running around to response--that's our little busy two year old. The boys do not know that Jamie is sick so please be careful what you say around the boys. We will tell them at some point, but no need to now.

On another note. Josh's mom, Judy, came home from the hospital today and is feeling better. She will have a pacemaker put in on April 15. Please also remember her in your prayers.

It is Friday, but Sunday is coming.

Much love,
Suzanne

April 1, 2010

This past Tuesday Josh, the boys and I went in for an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. We found out that the baby has hydrops. Josh called a friend, Shannon, to come get the boys. We then saw a specialist and a genetic counselor. Test are being ran now. We got the FISH test results back today. This told us that the baby is a girl and has Turner syndrome, which means she is missing an X chromosome. There are women and girls that live good lives with Turners, but most do not make it to birth. Jamie has Turners thus heart problems thus lymphatic problems thus hydrops. Hydrops is what was seen on the ultrasound Tuesday. Hydrops is our big concern and worry.

We are praying and believing that God can and will heal Jamie and we ask that you do the same.