While in the shower last night I finally got what the Lord has been trying to teach me for some time now. The Lord has brought me many different times to the point of I can't do ______ (be a good mom, wife, friend, teacher, etc.). Each time I pray asking for things to get better and for me to be able to figure it out. I talk to Josh and close friends about it and read books or articles on the topic. The situation may improve, but not for long. So, last night as I was standing in my hot steamy shower praying and crying it hit me; STOP TRYING TO DO IT YOURSELF! I know in my heart this truth of letting God have control of your life and have likely given this advise to others, but I have not be living it out in my own life. I realized I have been seeking to have my needs and desires filled by human relationships and worldly standards. I know and believe that God is the only one who can satsify my needs, but I have not been living in that truth.
Please forgive me feeling unloved when You show your love daily to me through nature and human relationships. Forgive me for seaching for guidance from Your Word, but not using it in my life. Forgive me for leading when I should be following. Lord, remind me each and everyday to let You make the plans and I will just do the work You put before me.
After getting out of the shower and laying in bed for a time the Lord put this verse on my heart, which I will be memorizing and storing away in my heart to pull out when I get to the point of I can't.
...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strenght is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9