Thursday, June 24, 2010

My Soul

It is raining, no sun is shining.
It is well with my soul.
My little girl is in heaven instead of with me.
It is well with my soul.
Pain is in my heart and this world.
It is well with my soul.
So many unanswered questions.
It is well with my soul.
Everywhere my eyes look there is sin.
It is well with my soul.
I mourn for what could of been.
It is well with my soul.
I praise the Lord because. . .
It is well with my soul.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


You have must likely heard someone say, God will not give you more than you can handle. I have been told that several times over the last few months. God has given me more than I can handle so that I will turn to Him. I was reading in second Timothy. "You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." 2 Timothy 2:3 "For if we died with Him, we shall also live with Him. If we endure, we shall also reign with Him." 2 Timothy 3:11-12. I don't really want to endure the struggles of this world, but I am a soldier of Christ and thus have chosen to carry the cross.
Our friend and neighbor Randy is having heart surgery this week. Please pray for him and his family.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

God's Grace

"God's Presence did not reduce the pain or delay the death. Instead, grace meant the gift of growth in the inner person. It meant inner transformation. It enabled them to see something larger than the circumstances. It provided hope when despair may have overtaken them. It gave assurance in the face of apparent defeat. It made their lives more meaningful than they ever imagined or experienced. Grace changed their perspective. Grace lifted their eyes beyond the horizon of their pain to a promise that could not be disappointed and a love that could not be diminished." (Sacred Waiting by David Timms)
I prayed for healing, but did not receive healing for Jamie. I prayed and continue to pray for strength, peace, and understanding. No where in God's Word are we promised an easy life. But all through it we are promised a loving Savior who will walk with us and carry us through this life (Deuteronomy 31:6). I am growing and being transformed. God is working on a larger plan than just me. God as given me hope in the darkest moments. The grace of God has lifted my eyes beyond the pain to Him. I would never have chosen to go through the great trail of losing Jamie, but I can embrace it and thus share in Christ's suffering (Philippians 3:10-11). Why would I want to do that? Because suffering produces spiritual fruit. My suffering, if embrace through God's grace, can touch others and draw them to our Savior.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Two Books

"In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him, God is a refuge for us."
Psalm 62: 7-8
There are two books I wanted to let y'all know about. Grammie gave the boys a devotional book yesterday. VeggieTales: 365 Very Veggie Devos For Kids. Josh read one at dinner tonight and I really thought it was good. It wasn't to long--the boys listened. They didn't understand what it was saying, but we were able to talk about it and then they got it....hopefully. I'm not a reading teacher, but I think it is about a 3rd or 4th grade reading level so older kids could read on their own. The second book is one I am reading for a book study at church, Sacred Waiting by David Timms. David says waiting on God is like a waiter. The waiter first lets you know he is present and then he serves your food. When we wait on God we must be in His presence and serve Him. I have verses posted in my bathroom that I read each day. A couple on waiting for the Lord have taken on new meaning for me.
"But those who wait (are in His presence and serve Him) on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31
"Nor has the eye seen any God besides You, who acts for the one who waits (is present and serves) for Him."
Isaiah 64:4
Italics are my words. God is not asking us to do nothing. He wants a relationship with us and that includes time spent with Him and time serving Him. And then we will have the strength to carry on in this world.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

So much to share

I feel like I have so much to share right now. I was actually in bed trying to sleep, but just had to get up and blog. Hopefully after getting my thoughts out I will go right to sleep.
Monday the boys got their cowboy hats placed in time out for the whole day. Jackson also had to put his stick horse in time as well. The boys are very into playing cowboy and roping up horses--it is really cute to watch their imaginations take off. The boys were upset when they watched me place these toys in time out (the fireplace mantle). As the day went on they still had thinks to play with and everything was fine to them. In our relationship with the Lord we are walking along and all is fine. We have salvation and know God is for us not against us. But what if we started obeying His word and serving Him. We would receive blesses (the cowboy hat and stick horse). We are missing out on God's blesses for our lives because we settle for fine. I pray that fine will not be ok for me and that I will obey and service God and receive His blesses. That is a huge pray that will take my life to achieve.
A friend and I took the kids to a jump place (they have inflatables) this morning to well jump. All went well until it was time to leave. Jackson had decided that he was not going to wear his flip flops, which was fine with me. As we reached the door Jackson sits down in the doorway and decides he wants to wear his shoes. That was a very good choice, because there was bird poop all over the sidewalk. As I am waiting for Jackson to put his shoes on I handed the keys for the van to my friend and ask her to start the air and get the other kiddos belted up. At that moment Jackson starts to cry and says "I'm not leaving till they come back (the other kiddos)." I said they are not coming back they are getting the van cooled off for you. Still he is not moving. By now we have been setting in the doorway for sometime and the owner asked if I would close the door. Thurs I pick Jackson up kicking and screaming and put him in the van. And then I have to physically force him into his car seat and buckle him up. A very upsetting moment that I had to take deep breaths to make it through and having my friend with me helps. Here is where I see God in the situation. God is the parent that picks up the kicking and screaming child (me). Jackson felt like he got left behind and so he was upset and had a tatram. I feel like the world keeps right on going unaware of our deep and painful loss of Jamie. I am stuck and can't move on, but God knows what is best thus He has picked me up kicking and screaming and placed me back into the world. Some things have been ok, but everyday is hard. Going to the library, the jump place , girls night out (ladies that was nice we need to do that more often), church, HEB all these placing and the conversations I have there remind me of Jamie. I don't want to forget her, but the pain is still very fresh that it would be nice to go do something and not be reminded. One more thing whenever one of the boys starts throwing a fit. I always tell them when you are done I will be here and we can talk and hug. That is just how our heavenly father is for us. After I stop screaming and throwing my little pity party. God is there to hold me and talk through all that is going on.
On another note. I have been sharing daily things that go on in our family and relating them to our relationship with God. They are not profound or even right. I type only what God lays on my heart. I am having trouble reading the Bible and praying to God right now. And I think that is ok for now. So I am very thankful that God is speaking to me through the boys and daily situations of our lives. I know all the church answers--I grew up southern baptist. But now God as shown me through my life situations these biblical truths in a whole new light. I pray they can give you a different perspective on life as well.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I can do it!

Jackson's thumb is hurting so he needs a band-aid. I get one out of the cabinet and start to open it. Jackson says " I can do it." I hand over the band-aid and watch him struggle to open the wrapper. Jackson is learning to do things on his own and independence, thus I let him do things that I could do faster. With God we say, Lord I'm hurting make it all better. But then we turn around and say, oh wait I can handle this. How long will it take for us to realize we don't have to struggle though on our own. God is watching us and waiting for us to ask for His help.