Monday, September 5, 2011

God's Perfect Plan

Once upon a time I fell in love with a boy, Josh, and he loved me back.  We dated and finished school.  We made plans and were married on July 12, 2003.  We worked hard and planned to start a family.  We bought a house, got a dog, paid off all our debt and had our first baby boy, Jackson on September 1, 2005.  Our plans were right on track.  Then God began to change our plans.  When Jackson was just 7 weeks old we moved from Dallas to Houston.  This move was not in our plans.  It was a hard move, but turned out to be wonderful.  I got pregnant with number two, but miscarried days after finding out we were expecting.  Once again I was telling God this wasn’t the plan.  At the same time I had the miscarriage we were also building our house an hour away.  I would once again be leaving friends one short year later.  This move turned out to be the perfect thing for our family.  I was starting to see that God knew what He was doing ever if I did not like it.  With help from our loving extended family we move to Cypress.  And about a month later we were pregnant with number three.  Jeffrey was born on August 22, 2007 health and strong weighing in at 9 lbs. 12 oz just like his big brother Jackson.  Life could not be better: close to extended family, great neighbors and friends, great church, two sweet little boys, nice house, two cars, a dog, nice job for Josh and staying at home with the boys for me.  What else could we ask for?  Another baby!  Josh wasn’t fully on board about having another baby.  So I tried to wait patiently for Josh to be ready.  Finally after what seemed like forever Josh was ready to starting trying.  I got pregnant with number four in the winter of 2009.  It was such an exciting time.  The boys wore big brother shirts on Christmas Eve to announce to our family a baby was on the way.  Everything was going well until March 2010 when we found out that baby number four had turner’s, hydrops and was a girl.  We named our sweet, sick little girl Jamie Elizabeth.  She lived within me for 24 weeks and 1 one day and then Jesus choose to take her home.  Once again this was not in our plans.  I was not ready to give this gift that God had blessed us with back.  How do you tell your four and two year old boys that they will not get to hold their baby sister?  About a year and a half later I finally came to the point that I could say to God, “Whatever You want I am ok with.  If we get pregnant I will rejoice, if we are to adopt open all the right doors and if our family is done I will be content.”  Several months later I miscarried baby number five.  What is the deal God?  How can so much pain be part of Your plan?  Back when Josh and I were going through premarital counseling in 2003 we talked a lot about what we each saw in our future.  One of those topics was children.  Josh said he wanted to have two or three kids and I wanted three or four by the time I was thirty.  And you know what God gave me what I asked for.  I will be thirty-one in a week and have five children.  Even though I will not get to know three of my children until I reach heaven I have received five blessings of life from God.  Isn’t that what it is all about?  Being a willing vessel for God to use for His glory.  In all the joy and pain, laughter and tears God gets the glory.  

1 comment:

  1. Suzanne- what an uplifting post. I can't imagine any of the heartache you have gone through, but always remember I pray for you and your strength daily.. Love you!