We went to church this morning. It is a strange feeling to not be sure if you can do your everyday activities. When Josh and I talked last night about going to church we both felt the same way. We wanted to go, but then we don't at the same time. We basically decided to go this morning because we have nothing else to do. And of course we were late and we sit in the front so everyone saw us walk in, but we were actually earlier than usual.
Can you worship God when you don't understand Him? Can you worship when you are mad? Can you worship when you just don't feel like being thankful for what He has done? Yes, I think you can. Amy Grant has a new song titled "Better Than Hallelujah" and it talks about that sometimes just being honest with God is a sweeter song to Him than hallelujah. Now I have only heard the song once so if I got the message wrong sorry.
Today's sermon was about giving up your life so that you may have a new life in Christ. Ed talked about choices and choosing to be sold out for Christ or not. When one chooses to give his life over to Christ he is changed and God's love is spread. I know that God is using our family to impact His kingdom and spread His love, but I didn't choose this. It is sad to say, but I would choose to have Jamie here with me today instead of some one's life being changed because of her death. God could have healed Jamie and lives could have been changed through her healing. I don't understand why God took her so soon. So, am I living a sold out life for Christ? I don't know. By choosing to accept God's plan over your own plan is a start thus I pray for my family that we can daily accept God's plan.
On another note, yesterday we received a card in the mail from a lady in Seattle Washington. She and her church family are praying for us. That is just so amazing that someone I don't know cares and is praying. I know there are people across American and even the world that are praying for us, but they know us. To have someone take the time to send a card and pray that doesn't know us is such a comfort. Even if I didn't choose this God is using Jamie's short life to touch many and I know one day I will be able to find joy in His plan.